A Little From Column A and a Little From Column B

This post is probably mostly for women and about physical appearance, a topic that I avoid because there are plenty enough birds out there squawking (and definitely tweeting) about it already. Perhaps then it's also about perception, which I strongly believe is more philosophical than it is visual or physical.

What this is not: The proclamation of a feminist; the rantings/ravings of a mad woman; a passive-aggressive attack on any individual on the planet. This might be categorized as cautionary, if anything. So. If during a random sequence of events a stranger said you were ugly, and then soon after another stranger said you were beautiful, who would you listen to? Who should you listen to? Is it a matter of opinion, or is it fact?

A stranger asks with sincere curiosity, "What, are you 22, 23 years old?" Another makes a point of recommending an eye cream to you for your "problem areas." Who do you believe? Either someone is lying, and likely has something to gain from your low self-esteem, or someone is trying to get something out of you and stands to gain from your high self-esteem. Both of these options are likely, and sensible, although the latter is somewhat unlikely because a random compliment from anyone -- a stranger -- shouldn't garner much from you beyond a ladylike oh-why-thank-you smile or, at the absolute max, the shy acquiescent giggle.

Obviously, someone gaining from your low self-esteem is far more damaging. And far more common -- someone is going to be happy that you're miserable because there's a profit of some kind in there somewhere. That's just the way it be. I'd be daft to give out clichéd advice like "just listen to what your loved ones and friends say", because loved ones have your love to maintain; that is, your own mother isn't going to tell you you're ugly, and a true friend probably isn't looking to become your enemy. Neither should we take our loved ones' compliments too seriously, as we know they love us and will say things to that effect. So who do you listen to, who do you ignore.

I will say that I think the media has a corner in the self-esteem market, and generally it's looking to distort your view of yourself so you'll buy its sponsored advertisers' products. There are people out there who literally get rich off of how ugly and fat and imperfect you think you are; they need women miserable because Miserable will purchase anything that might make her Happy.

But what about Content? We are none of us symmetrical. Smile and admit. Art mimics us; it's what we'd like to be and yes, it's beautiful. But it's not real. All of the media's images and ideals, those on magazine racks and in commercials, are airbrushed with cosmetics, Photo-shopped to look skinnier, touched and retouched, or follow someone's script. When you look at that stuff, you absolutely should not believe you are seeing perfection and then start stressing about what you are lacking in comparison. If you do, you have effectively become the victim of low self-esteem, and eventually you'll become a needy, wiry little bramble of misery.

Don't.

You control how you think about yourself, you, and no one else. If you take care of yourself, and take pride in what you can do well, you can be content. You can know that you're already doing everything you should be doing to maintain healthy self-esteem, and you'll find yourself perfectly capable of deciding what's real and what isn't and who to listen to or ignore.