About Face!

I laughed out loud when I ran across this tonight. Not because this young girl was arrested, but because she has my name. Ah, I love the Internet, so plentiful with all its pitfalls, confusions, traps, and mistakes. Obviously, that isn't me. She was apparently booked in Arkansas. I've been on the West Sigh-eed for the last thirty years, yo. If it were me I'd probably be trying to get it taken down, or looking into whether such a thing is even ethical. Sometimes you take things with a grain of salt: lots of people have your name. Sometimes you take things head-on: That is not me. And sometimes you do both.

Speaking of taking things head-on, I thought I'd post a "reprint" of an article I wrote last year. Seeing as how this blog is semi-themed toward reaching other young women like myself -- maybe students, moms, hard workers --I think it's wildly important for all women to take heed. . . perhaps the young woman in the mugshot, too. My husband, who is white, says she's 2000 miles away, looks nothing like me, and he assures me that most white people do not think that all dark-skinned people look the same. We haven't stayed together for ten years by being politically correct. Anyway. The Article.

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Cyber-stalking, Bullies, and Emotional Terrorism
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With a great sigh... it's time for me to spotlight a subject that I dread. It's uncomfortably close to me and very, very ugly in the spotlight. As a victim, though, I feel obligated to speak. I hate being a victim, and pity doesn't pay the bills. But I do believe it's my duty to all vulnerable people at large, mostly young women, to impart what I've experienced in order to prevent it from happening to anyone else.

Stalking, cyber-stalking, hacking. Emotional terrorism. Privacy-invasion. These are crimes by unhinged individuals against unsuspecting prey: Members of on-line communities, of social networks, and of seemingly innocuous forums for advice and common activity.

First I begin with confession; repetition, if you're paying attention. Yes. I have had a stalker, a rather sadistic one. This person has invaded my privacy, and has made the Internet a threatening environment in which I've resorted to using pseudonyms (Makaia, which is an alternate spelling of my middle name, the name I use to post here; and Kaia, which is obviously a shortening of Makaia)to remain anonymous and hidden from their attacks. But no more. I will not hide anymore or remain silent, especially as things have gotten a ridiculous. This person – a middle-aged man -- opened fake social networking accounts in my real name in an attempt to sniff me out as well as get in a little humiliation while he was at it. Maybe you've heard of similar things of late, with the gay girl blog hoax going around the wired.

A common thing for stalkers to think is that they're “saving” their victims. This is ridiculous, of course. What they want is absolute control over their victim. They're the worst abusers walking the planet, with a full-blown God complex for believing that their state of mind is a) healthy and infallible, and b) a hard set of rules that must be followed. If rebelled against, their ideal world begins to splinter and crack, which to them justifies their destructive behavior. They become threatening, abusive, and possibly physically dangerous to others. Oftentimes they appear charismatic with their fixations and idiosyncrasies -- until they're denied what they want.

It's nearly impossible to convince a very sick individual that they need help, just as hard as it is trying to convince friend or family member that they may need therapy after a traumatic event. Adults develop a natural resistance to help, when gone are the days of childlike curiosity and willingness to ask questions and find new ways to approach obstacles. It's a brick wall until they come to their senses, often at the cost of something like their freedom or wellbeing or the easy predictability in their world.

So, onto some methods of stalking -- new methods enabled by new technology. There's a special brand of invasion into a smartphone called cloning. The symptoms are very specific and hard to ignore once you know them. I had them. Make sure you do not.

A little story: Three years ago, I severed ties with a small on-line writing group after finding Trojans and worms in my machine. I learned that the only way to acquire these particular nasties was in downloading infested documents. The only place I downloaded said documents was in 2008, from our small Yahoo! Group with only 6 or 7 members; a place for uploading chapters from our stories and giving each other critiques. The platform was such that you had to download files in order to read each other's stories, Word files and PDFs, and you uploaded your critiques, which were then downloaded by the writer and perhaps by other interested members.

So over about a year, we shared our little novels and exchanged our little critiques. It was meaningless fun and frustration, at times very tense, but a positive learning experience. I didn't think I needed any other forums and was very comfortable with sharing with everyone there. Needless to say, I didn't surf for any other forums or groups. I didn't download files from any other sources, I didn't click on ad-banners, and I didn't visit porn sites, which are usually a good source for computer viruses. Having an IT knowledgeable spouse (and being proudly intermediate myself) means I understood a lot of information that average computer users do not. I knew how to navigate my way safely through the Net.

Turns out I fell victim to attack, not from clicking on and downloading everything in sight, but due to my trusting nature and stubborn belief that all people are basically good. Why would I mistrust a small group of writers who had also quickly become my friends?

One day I noticed my computer acting quite strange. It had the symptoms of a worm. It was nearly interminable, and the process to get rid of it was painstaking and time-consuming. A lot of research showed that, for this particular attack, the nasty executable files had to be embedded in documents. Since I downloaded nothing else, most likely these documents were the chapters from “someone's” book. So you can bet that everyone in that tiny group was infected -- being spied on and having all their sensitive information closely monitored by a seriously ill individual. One friend from the group (the only one I kept after leaving) told me later that her machine suffered a devastating virus and that she too would never return to on-line writing groups. She probably had the same roll call of Trojans and worms that I had. All our files, including videos, novels, e-tax returns and all sensitive documents, really, including family and private photos – everything was invaded and likely captured by this person to do with as he pleased.

I left that group when my husband and I exterminated all the viruses. I swore never to download documents from an “on-line community” again, meaning I wouldn't be joining any writers' groups again. I ran across this article not too long after, the outcry of a woman who had witnessed the ill effects of an under-governed on-line writing community. Her words, although seemingly harried and fearful, never washed off. I had seen similar things. I felt culpable for never speaking out, for not reporting abuse, and not realizing when the same was happening to me. Again: No more.

I – we – are safe now, as the proper authorities are involved and there was never any impending physical harm, but I felt that the situation would remain a point of fear for me if I didn't discuss it. I feel human doing so. If your smart phone/computer is displaying similar symptoms, you will know what to look for. You will know that although things might be edging into the Twilight Zone, and you might not want to confess, that you can, and should.

For those that have had similar experiences, gather your strength and blog about it, publish it, tell the world. Report it. Tell your mom, no matter how old you are; tell your sister, your husband, the police. Tell everyone who you think it is, where you think they are, what you believe they have done. Loved ones listen and take action. Turn the tables and make your stalker feel like the stalked. Do not remain a victim just because the attacks are silent and virtually invisible.

Strength Is A Sentence

When you know someone -- and I mean really know them, perhaps love them, admire -- and the only flaws you can discern are physical, the flaws, then, reside in you.